Thursday, October 20, 2016

A week's experience at all the irish hospitals and with the HSE

what happens when a loaded HSE tries to take short cuts - seriously!
this is the look before the HSE take a crash course through my life and times - seriously!
this was a serious week.  Yes, you can call it that.  It was always also going to be 'heavy going.'
it started with the battle of how both my twin and i were to get to the many appointments we had lined up for this week, one medical appointment a day for the full week.
argument that i simply couldnt drive the van with two wheelchairs the length and breath of dublin environs being so unwell, is self evident.
i do not 'do' even when well, far flung areas where i know the geography badly, i learnt to drive at 53 and i am tired and ill.

arguement won, that i could end up a serious danger on the road if made do it got the HSE agreeing to transport us to the various hospitals, this was a major coup.  I am very relieved, absolutely relieved, unbelievably relieved.

but relief turned to farce as we discovered how this was all going to work.

it seemed as if it wasnt as simple as ordering a taxi that could take two wheelchairs, as we were going to the same places.
no not that simples.
we both asked at the beginning of the week or end of last for help.
one sister was sanctioned for assistence but the other wasnt.
in fact i didnt even get an answer.
the next we heard was, well i could go in the twins taxi but couldnt take my wheelchair with me. er?
so one could travel in ease and hey, put ann in the roof rack or maybe put her in a sort of transport carrier attachement at the back but defo not beside my sister.
the arguement wasnt helped when we heard that the HSE official didnt fully realise that no. 1 if i could actually walk or not or that the taxi couldnt take two wheelchairs, our taxis are only insured to take one.
the reason being i feel not so much the insurance policy but the fact the taxi man would really spend money on getting a second tie-down for a second wheelchair, which is very 'doable'
so when that problem was realised the answer was - two taxis.
two taxis for two women going out from the same estate with two wheelchairs, to the same destination and coming back to the same destination.
on one occassion we didnt need a wheelchair taxi.  that got both the taxi firm and the HSE mighty confused and a wheelchair taxi was booked and then unbooked.

the cost was enormous, i mean really enormous.

the total for three hospitals came to 544e for two women sick in ireland of today.
that is economic murder if ever there was, sure who could sustain such a fecking waste!
and it was a waste.
but then so too is monitering this all.
we had taxi men asking us did we have 'vouchers.'  No, we knew nothing of vouchers, we were told they couldnt take us home from the hospital without 'vouchers.'
"hey, we know nothing about vouchers, we were told to ring in and say when finished but know nothing about vouchers.
that caused massive stress on two sick ladies.
we then had
"be there, stuck in traffic."
"how many taxis are on the way"
"is there one coming for my twin"
"outside the hospital waiting for you" (taxi man)
"if you are how many taxis are coming cos were heard two were and we now had one outside, but is it one of them two?

we had taxi men singing that 'oh for the two lovely ladies my children will have steak for supper not sausages.'

I dont find that funny when the country is fucked.

Nor do i find it funny to sign a black money docket at destination and when i look up at the meter i see the cost and write it in the gap.

"dont put the money in the box" he says, "we havent finished yet"
we have mate we are at destination, i am about to sign as the taxi had stopped we very much had finished.
so signing a black docket is the same as signing a blank cheque.
and the paymaster is the HSE, no monitering done, and the taximan's children will have steak and the HSE no money.

we are wrecked.

i am wrecked
and astounded.
no wonder my country is fucked i say.

the first trip a taxi was ordered for two hours before the appointment, and the taxi arrived fiveteen minutes early at my twin's place.

she rings me and said he had arrived early.
"ask him when one is due for me, will you twin?"
she asked
he then comes to me at my door and remarks, "i wasnt supposed to be at your sister and told to pick up you"
he says,
"so what about my sister?" i ask.
"another taxi is coming for her, dont worry we will be on our way."
so we go.
at the hospital, i ring sister, "where are you"
she had not left her estate!
she flew in and felt life wasnt worth it as the taxi was going so fast and she feared for her life.
she said she was scared in the flipping van.

OK we there anyway and two eclairs down we have the physio as appointed.

now this was to be this wonderful assessment of need.
you got that now?
this was the 'big un'
like, this was what was really needed, neurophysiotherapy assessment of need for very sick women.
it went something like this for both of us.
"what can i do for you?"
"huh?"  i respond
"what are you here for?
she had no notes, no files, no information and she was very young.
we go through a basic assessment of strength, nothing special and all done before.
and i get wait for it, the famous print out.
three exercises to do.
lift the arms up over your head a couple of times.
lift your legs a couple of times.
no i dont know what the third one was as its long gone in that bin.
"it hasnt been proven that hands on therapy is of any benefit."
"oh," i say, "it hasnt?"
"thats interesting," i remark because to me its the only type that i have found of benefit, its hugely beneficial.
"are you really telling me that because we have no staff and too many sick people its convenient to make the statement that hands on physio is of no benefit or if you have money you get it and if you dont 'its not proven to be beneficial?
so you can say it anyway you want but it IS beneficial and it has proven to work in the past.
but now we are a broken country someone somewhere decides it isnt.
for poor anyway.
not for rugby players or tennis stars but for the poor it is not of benefit.

we go for a cup of tea in tears.

it was so so pointless to bring us over for that.
that cost a whacking 63e there EACH and 73e back EACH, do the sums on one trip, a professional wage for the physio, a cafe bun and tea and we have a few people employed, a taxi man eating steak and twins bereft for the days outing of waste, for both us and the HSE!

Next trip deserves a book in itself.

we get to go and get our HSE shoes, the ones i had so much hope for and waiting for really classy ones since 2009.
now by classy i mean ones that will not cause me to fall and snap shoulder muscles, rip toenails, fracture rib or fracture wrists and nor tear half the skin off the shin bone in another fall.
so for well over two years now no shoes even worn, but since yes, at least four pairs, all causing injuries.
so i was highly excited now i was at a 'centre of excellence'
well was i?
and who was listening to need and what actually was given and why?
Jez i took one look at them and announced inside my skull and brain, "holy moley'  look at them ann!"
i was sitting speechless.
words couldnt come 
"lovely colour" says the lady giving them to me.
i manage a sort of giggle and 'yes, lovely colour, yes.'
i put them on.
'how do they feel?'
'fine, fine"
this is the different 'room' a nice hot water bottle feeling and a slumber
i am gone to a different room space inside my head i am in unreal time, i am zoned out of this one now and forever more.
i thank her and i ask 'how much did that knock back the hse?
"about 900e" she remarks.
"oh, i see,right, lotta money then"
there clearly are no further words to say
"right, see you, thanks"
i go and reach the twin looking expectantly at me.
i raise my eyes to heaven when i meet her eyes out on stalks.
i sit numbed and she is summoned.
i sit there feeling the clumpers at the end of my extremities.
the shoe on the left was paid for by insurance and is fantastic - i didnt know what was going to happen when the HSE ones came and feared the worst - i was right to do so.
the left weighs 11oz and is soft and gentle
the right is 14oz and is thick and feels like cement and painful.
i clearly was right to be wary and prepared the way for the outcome, i was so clearly right - no happy clappy feet after this encounter with HSE clumpers - yet again.
further words fail me
words don't work anymore faced by this
or this...
i am left speechless...forever more, i think
i am not a happy bunny with very unhappy feet.
my feet are encased, in concrete, they burning with heat and there is nothing i can do.
i am encased.
its all very distressing as i feel it all too badly and my neurosensitivity is getting the better of me.
they come off and i revert to the slippers, i doubt they will be worn again.
i sweat it there in inner pain not knowing what to think, do or what to say forever more on shoes for ann.
my twin comes out with a neat brace but she not too keen on the insole, which sticks up into the arch which is a cavity due to pes cavis.
we both go home, i am an unhappy woman.
the money side is mounting up.
next trip then was to be a sorting of an issue that is frightening the life out of me, another very long taxi journey and another consultant.
i am well prepared and have my homework done.
i get only general bloods.
there is a heated debate on what the hell general bloods would do for a metabolic issue.
he cannot explain and i do not believed he had heard me.
why did he bring me to the other side of dublin for general bloods and not a metabolic work up?
why could he not have had a conversation on the phone if that be the case and i get them in my gp surgery on monday and i have an appointment then.
sure jez metabolics is more sophisticated than general bloods.
so all the doctors in the uk suggesting my malaise to be possible pre-synope, dystaumonia, POTS or hypoglycemia has not been tested for, i wasnt in the UK for these, but they listened to the symptoms and asked for these conditions to be tested for.
you wont get that on general bloods.
i come home and count the damage of the week so far and what i want to do.
i want to escape a country going down so bad its taking its sick people to an early grave and if not then it will through suicide.
the cost in financial terms for hse this week for two women has been 1,384e  i have not counted in my twins special leg brace nor the consultant's fee, the phsyio fee nor the othotist's fee, so for all that money we didnt as patients come out with alot.
we spent a full week travelling to doctors, for nothing.
i mean nothing at all.
wasted. i am wasted and shattered.
money to burn so they have i say if they cant do it better than this.
thats my week in economic, physical, psychological and outcome terms.
these are not terms of engagement but disengagement from my country.
i hastily write to another consultant, two in fact and say 
"get me out of this country"
for a start it would be cheaper and i may get some place.
not this way i wont.
i suggest you now look at some pictures. they are all worth it to digest the enormity of this farce
living at the extreme end to THIS i guess is a feature of my human's life, but clearly it wont be equal to the calm of Ana And Maggie as they stay cool, calm and collected and rest while I am too tired and too tired 
i am too tired now to continue and bloody glad the week has nearly come to an end.
raging i decide i have to get a life outside sickness or something will defo 'give.'
or i shall commit a murder and end in jail.
i kid you not.

Thursday, October 13, 2016

Haunted by trauma - feels like this...

Name it as abuse - all of it:
  • name calling
  • verbal abuse
  • withdrawal of care
  • denial of care
  • poor appliances 
  • broken bones
  • interference
  • denial
  • psychological torture
  • mental pain
  • physical damage
  • exhaustion
  • breakdown

how does Trauma feel?
is it different to all other events in life?

is it different to beoming ill?
to moving home?
to being physically attacked?

only really the last could be equal.

its a cause and effect, YOU are ATTACKED.

YOU are being bullied, hurt, denegrated, denied and made feel worthless.
you are very sick and doing two things ONLY.

you are trying to live the best way you can for the time that is left to you.
you are trying to get help to live the best way you can for the time that is left to you.

but nothing prepared me for Attack because of the benign wish for peace and care and some concern.
nothing prepared me for the lynch mob.

Trauma never leaves.
especially if you already have known frontal lobe brain atrophy, possibly there since birth and the damage done from Congenital Rubella Syndrome.
for my personality per se has never changed, but the damage of my brain makes me more susceptable to changes in my life style, hurt and distress.
its the part of the brain that processes emotion and therefore reactions and aslo allows us process and filter distress and pain.
it has a purpose to allow a person live, so that distress can actually be processed and you can then move forward.
otherwise the world would be impossible to live in, for all people.

if you do not 'let go of bad times, and traumatic times.'  you are in deep shit to be honest.

so when a person has suffered deep enough trauma and has frontal lobe brain damage seen on a brain scan we know we are heading into very difficult and hard times.
- to basically repair and get through trauma and out the other side intact.

non possible my friends, non possible.

you do NOT recover from Trauma at the best of times, or the worst of times.
you process it and live on and all the time the trauma has caused a shift in your thinking.

for those of us who find it impossible to go beyond a word as 'incredulous' that is those of us who cannot process it, who have it there front faced trauma daily and nightly and it will not go away you are left facing a very big wall or tv screen with everything written on that board.
the marks are set and the tv now has no hand control. its stuck on Trauma.

If i could say to the HSE this, that the damage caused will NEVER leave me now, its a damning statement because they have caused this to happen.
Damage done to brain damaged individuals is a life time shift.
nothing can be done to undo the harm, it can be helped and lessened by making sure no further damage is done.
it can be helped by constant cushioning of hurt and pain and acknowledgement that what has happened was wrong.
many find it helps some to know the perpertrator has regrets.
unless the victims actually FEELS this, the regret can be voiced but may never be felt as genuine.

True mending means, its never up to a victim to redress a balance here.
its entirely up to the abuser.
in my case THE HSE.

they have the tools to do mostly what they want to make it better.
they have their own policies which state clearly how they personally will respond to abuse and also their mandate to care is clear.
most of their policies are guidelines to best practise not abuse and definitely not policy around hiding abuse and running from abuse.

in all policies factors of how to deal with vulnerable people and abuse are defined and very clear.
you report it, you sort it.

you do not bring in the heavies of legalese to defend it, which is mostly what the HSE have done to date.
you cannot defend the wrongs done over a full decade.
you have to pick your way through to make all the wrongs into a final right.

you have made and allowed a person to suffer such trauma that they have lost a valuable ten years of living well and peacefully and calmly.
when you take that away from anyone, its never going to come back to be relived.

what remains is deepened fall-out in brokeness, disbelief and suffering and a sense of 'why?'
and the 'Why did it happen,?" actually haunts a victim of the HSE.

and also 'how could it?'  because we were brought up with the idea that the medical and healthcare professionals were caring.
if the opposite is true, then how can you heal a terrible wrong to a perception by a sick person that in sickness she will be helped?
how can you actually mend a person who has discovered this ideal is far from reality and has lived a life of ten years in harrowing circumstances, unable to defend, to move forward, and to live in susteained horrors and pain and anquish?

to wake daily - still haunted by them is going to be hard to eradicated.
once i woke to the ideas of the studio and the paintings i was doing and a working plan for my day there and in my environment.
now its the wrangle of waking frettfully thinking of HSE, damage, fall out and all the individual s who inflicted harm.
i get it in flash backs every morning i wake.
all the people who haunt me so.
come to me then, what i have to do for the day to work with them to mend.
what i will do today will be filling out my medical details for more doctors and also returning a letter to the hse regarding my situation as mandated as we thrall through a mediation process to bring about change for a better way forward.

inching forward is snaking through the morass of hurt.
inching forward cannot be a congratulating experience because its proving traumatic in itself.
the genuiness of contritution is yet to be felt much within me.

Anyone can say they acknowlege harm has been done.
it takes an honourable organisation to be magnanimous in how they help a person heal from the trauma so inflicted on them by their own.
it has to happen swiftly and in a far better attitudinal stance of complete and utter turnaround.
that the victim is upheld in truth.
that the named trauma now named as such and acknowledged will indeed be rectified.

upon rectaficaton that trust is build on a solid ground and not further messed up as so many accounts of such gone before me accounts and details of promises extracted almost like a tooth extraction and then to be found that they are trying to put the rotten teeth back in by force.

this cannot happen two women lanquishing and waiting for the action to begin - where both can live as they always had needed to and yearned to and tried to.
stopping a person from living is a human rights violation.
pure and simple they had decided over and above others, and themselves what they did to us.

it was a decision.
when things go so wrong then you put it right.
this is what its all about at the end of the day.

changing hurt to happiness, but it has to be done in swift measures so that time lost is no more and decency prevails and seen to prevail.
heal the hurt.

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Wheelchair Saga-Wheelchair Trauma of the Kennedy Twins, Ireland

when you want to change a system from one of abuse to one of 'human rights'  

So true!  Ann and Margaret (that's us) have a progressive neurodegenerative disease, with a complex process occuring which is multisystemic.
this is NOT just a toothache, its has proven to be a heartache, a trauma and a journey i wouldnt wish on anyone really.
The journey has been a tough one.
it should NOT have happened.
and it SHOULD NOT ever happen again, the abuse , the pain, the distress and the decline in health is testamont that to put any human being through such suffering destroys lives, in more ways than one.

but the journey was of 'wheelchair provision' for identical twins with few supports and very needy.
it began at the beginning of a sojourn in a new county, that of Wicklow, the present residence of the Minister for Health.

its been life changing, and all for the wrong reasons.  FAITH, in humanity has died a death and is buried deep in the rubble, and its rubble believe me its rubble.
No one should have to go through what we have just been through - i hope this is the war cry against such treatment.
Fall out in terms of relationship with the HSE also has taken its toll, and no need to have been so aggressive, and antagonistic.
it was a large organisation pitted against older twins.
but do you win this ever, or is there a very deep cost?
there is a cost of course, to our personal health, our care and the attitude which i guess now have stuck.
but its proven fact the fight has to be gone through, yet shouldnt have to be so tough.
All manner of things were debated and even part payment was suggested.  two years later - we are on the cusp of acquiring fabulous state of the art wheelchairs.
Wheelchairs folks are not Ferrari's.
they are 'legs' and that is what they do, they walk for us.
when we cannot.
they are a prosthesis, and we needed them along time ago /
between then and now the accidents have been at time verging on possible serious injury.
this should be attached to the wheelchair with bolts, not a cable - very dangerous!
we had tyres ripped, puntured, wheels falling off, control knobs doing the same and whole side panels falling to the road when crossing it.  we had arms swing lose away from the hand and guiding knobs come away in the hand.
crossing a busy road the full side panel with control knob fell off!  The previous image shows a 'before - duct tape'
we have also had, near misses of going into ravines on side of paths leading to a steep drop.
going into nettles and into mud.
Sometimes you just don't need the words to tell the story.
we also had injury for these contraptions of makie uppie wheelchairs cobbled together at a recycling centre of the HSe, a bit like the dumps of india collecting this and that from this and that and making er, a wheelchair.
someone who worked in the third world once said that he was shocked at what he had found in wheelchair provision in ireland - that has to be a mighty wake up call if you ask me.
trying to change a 'system' can be exhausting, damage your health and take years - i say its worth the attempt.
attached to every wheelchair is a human being - even if it takes getting to the Dail for what appears a fruitless exercise - do it.
so the trauma and mostly trauma can be documented in pictures and usually say more than words, as you absorb the reality of duct tape, and mess and damage and problems.
here are the issues, the damage, the problems and a final word the wheelchair.
people have to BEE-lieve that changes needing change can be brought about
Looking for environmental hazards should be a community enterprise - it was

Community ends with the cuppa chait is never impossible to try and make a community better - if it means the paving for a wheelchair user, or the buildings, accessibility - BEE the change....
the Bee-ginning of trying to make 'greystones' an accessible town for all - where this first attempt has gone is anyone's guess.
in your efforts to have your needs met, you can become fixated, so much so it swings and fixed to ceilings, the image of an ever turning trauma, the winds of change.
sometimes being a 'pack horse' on a cold day returning from celebration you can feel weary, but oh Lord its worth it.

another chance to educate and teach through learning and example, don't put your graduates in the broom cupboard while they wait to go up for their certs on graduation day.  

Finally, if you can't beat em you join em, and you study to learn, to transform and to bring a change about.  Margaret my twin the first of two to graduate from Limerick University on the first programme certificate post graduate course on wheelchair/posture seating assessment.  Devised by Dr. Rosie Gowran, Limerick University.

absolutely DO celebrate - deserved.
celebrate - for 'every little drop counts said the wren when he pee'd in the sea!

if the deck of cards never got yourself to university in order to do the post-grad what you do then is absorb the feeling and celebrate anyway, someone has done it! 

this happened three years ago when i went to the top of Killiney Hill for the very first time in ten years - now this is LIVING as an equal human being.
the wheelchair i had researched, trialled and felt was the one for me - is now winging its way to me.

it has been a very tough fight.
we will celebrate our newness as equals on Killiney Hill very soon, we will 'Party' there and invite YOU ALL, come party and celebrate, after all trials, tribulations and dramas, pain and trauma
-you celebrate-
-the success of the journey's end with a major win -

when once you knew we 'had not got this one right' (twin on right)

when we always knew what Equality means and Life is so short.....

Sunday, October 9, 2016

Once we had the church now we have the HSE and they have abuse as their 'culture.' yah

we were sick at this time but -
we had not yet encountered the dreaded HSE!
a few years of HSE and this is what the 'Look' of that result is.
And again - this is 'the Look' after you encounter the HSE
there are lots of questions in my head.

but few answers bar one - its very hard for me to live now.
i mean terribly hard.

its the complex mix i cannot cope with, and i want to get rid of one or two of these.

Pain and Suffering now of a physical kind i think is here for good, i am trying to work on these.
getting care and medical oversight is about the hardest thing i feel i do have to struggle with and doubt it will get any better.

Choices now are out there for the doctors. who  they decide to treat and who not to treat.
i am in the latter catagory as nothing has been treated since i have got back with care plans from the UK and a lot more insight but less from the Irish medics and HSE.

i struggle to be heard.
i struggle to say my truth and be heard on the pain and path i am on.
i struggle.

when people say that there are good people within the HSe, yes of course, like any organisation (i dont know a lot mind you) there are good and bad.

we have a problem in healthcare.
the bad cannot be got rid of and secondly its barely about healthcare anymore.
its more about shifting the responsibilities further onto other groups away from the political arena and the departments that are running our country and our 'medical show.'

how do they shift it all over the place.
try sort a problem in ireland.
pick up a phone and ring the first person you feel may be able to help and the words go like this..."you are on to the wrong department, you need to ring....." and so on so forth...
this can go on forever.
when you get to the right department its like greased balls bouncing.

Doctors too can walk away easily now.
a letter citing 'the relationship has broken down'  can explain nothing but allow him/her move on and you get a reputation, for the doctors, wee gods are never to blame.
but they swiftly shove you off their books, in a country like ireland it doesn't do to ask for care because they then get irate and move you on.

this i think is a direct dictate from the HSE, do not treat your public patients.
so when the HSE say this, the public hospitals are charging everything to the customers it has on vhi where once before they never did.
so the VHI are swamped with claims making premiums rise and less and less taking up private healthcare.
so this is a healthcare system that is narrowing in the middle.
there are the poor at one end of this time piece, they cannot pay and are not getting care.
the very rich are at the other, they get everything and no sweat.

i think the worst thing to befall me in a life of distress predominantly was physical ill health.
you become a beggar.

you lose confidence, spirit, love of life, soul and trust.
you meet abuse, walk outs, blaming and shaming and slamming and more besides.

you fight as if you are on a tv program surviving in some jungle, is it 'get me out of here?'
what is that program.
so when you know you are getting a rolls royce of a wheelchair very shortly is that the result of the achievement of eating the first witchidigrub?
the aboriginal delicacy.
Post 'withchidigrub'  (getting wheelchair battle)
next for the next trick do i have to leap over five cows and then spear it in the neck and drink a gallon of its blood, like in some kinda initiation rite to get something further, shoes?  sticks? physiotherapy or what?

or is it more drastic than that.

YOu only have to need something in ireland for the word coming back to be NO>
NO YOU CANNOT have it.

this doesn't happen the rich.
because money buys the respect a doctor will hand to the patient.
and will get him or her the walking sticks, the nice proper bed and the medication.
in fact if you have money, you will never know how the poor has to try and survive the onslaught.
the myth of the state caring for the poor is just that, a myth.

the rich believe it.
not only that all the minority groups from the black people, the muslims, the Irish, the social welfare recipients, the drug addicts, the mentally ill, the elderly and the disabled are all the cause of the world malaise, (funny how these collectively make up the world almost in total, bar the few who are rich)
and its also strange to say this, but the rich cannot shoot them all!

why because its the poor, the blacks, the irish, the sick, the disabled and the elderly and the mentally ill that give the few professionals around their jobs!
especially in health.
so if you have no sick you will have no nurses or doctors.
if you have no irish or blacks, you will have no cleaners in the hospitals.
if you have no elderly or mentally ill you will have no vast caverns which employ a myriad of people and so all the walls around the world would not be enough to use as firing ranges.

you cannot simply get rid of the minority groups and the disadvantaged.
non possible.
i think you would have an easier job rounding up the rich and shooting them, or at least verbally accosting them with some strong words of truth.

you are making life a misery for everyone bar a few, yourself and why?
just plain and simple greed.

at 63 so many hoops and witchidigrubs.
so a brand new wheelchair from a broke HSE (despite offering to pay half of the funds) i am left now to fight on for the rest which includes everything else cos i have nothing regarding health care here.
so the fight and the list is bloody long.
i am depressed at it all.

my dad wasn't depressed at this age, he was a happy man.
food was on the table, his children around him, his friends up at the golf club and he was not wanting for anything.
no memory of irritant gp's or angry doctors in them days.
the gp came to the house and laughed and bantered and sorted the latest to befall on six children.
and they did so willingly, up them stairs with the little black bag and a cheery smile for a kid in the bed.
i remember one doctor had a little guy, plastic and he would bring it to play with the young uns.
see now if you can balance this man on his feet and lets help him stay upright.
(distraction technique)

if you got a crack on your head it was a great big crepe bandage, no mri or ct scans and no hours in a waiting room of a hospital.
if you got a bloodied knee and a very big gash, no long waits in a'e the gp bandaged you stitched you and sometimes splinted you.

my dad was never in an A'E in his entire life until he was close to his end.
the knocks and biffs of life were dealt with at the GP or GP came to him or again it was in the bathroom cabinet or the cigar box cos the lids of these were used as splints on broken arms.

no antibiotics for the sniffles, no flu jabs, no mri, dat, ct nada.
no anti-inflammatory rubs, lemsips, paracetamol, braces for the wrists, ankles, or knees.

cod liver oil, crepe bandage, sticking plaster, vicks, bed and a hot water bottle.
it was the 'in-house hospital.'
none of our family spent hours in a'e.

what the hell are they there for now?
we had next to no Autism, menieres, autoimmune diseases, a cocktail of mental illnesses, with sub sets of different mental diseases groups and sub divided again.

you got a cut, a scratch, a broken limb or a bump on the head and a bit of blood.

you did have a lot of sexual abuse, magdelan laundaries, mental hospitals and mother and baby homes though.

incest was high, we had more in mental hospitals in ireland in the 50's than the rest of europe combined.
for everything - you were flung in there if you were happy and excitable, enjoyed the men folk, (and thats only if you enjoyed watching them at a cross roads), if you were pretty you were 'in' if you were not the elder male on a farm you were 'in.'
if you had a baby you were 'in' again at the magdalens.
babies were ferretted across to america for vast sums by the church priests and nuns.
to this day you were never allowed know where your family were or who they were.
starvation and beatings were rife.

but what have we in its place.
we dont pick on the pretty and the second eldest male, or the pregnant young ladies. we dont have sex with the little ones (oh we do so we do, still, sorry we do) and the young things, (oh yes we do) but then what do we have for the rest, we decently adopt, and give the child a chance to discover its mother.
we decently do not fling all and sundry into the mental hospitals, but then we indecently keep all the sick out as well.we have suicide rates rocketing.

we dont do much bar drug with every medication known to pharma.
money again, back to the same old thing, the blasted money.

we have drugs for everything, stopping a pregnancy, castrating a man, killing bees, bugs, flu and inflammations, we zap cancer and cause more through radium of mri, scans and ct and more besides.
we dont get a bump on a head we get concussion and delirium requiring a bed and an mri.

we dont get a cut on the knee but need the tetanus and the stitches and the A'e.

we do get 'bump em off.'
i am a 'bump em off' person right now.

i have no home grown remedies, and certainly lemsip and vick is not actually going to do much.
but my mum and dad lived mightly longly.
i will probably pop my clogs far sooner, either the doctors will kill me or the hospitals one or the other something will kill me.

i think the moral at the end of the day is keep the depression cos nothing else is constant, but chuck the doctors or try go outside this country which is abusive.
i guess when they closed certain institutions of abuse, they had to carry on the culture of abuse.
thats what they call whats happening within the HSE.

its a culture of abuse they say, even those who know the HSE, work with the HSE or for the HSE.
it takes a long time to rid a culture of abuse all these people say.

my dead dad died happy (i hope)
my sister wasnt happy (sadly)

Grasping facts - Is there any Magic out there
(eg NO HSE?) or 'Post HSE

i would like to think my retirement resembles the bliss of the two chihuahua pals i have.  alas, it isnt and alas i do not think i will be allowed it.
but then we have to believe in Magic or is it HOPE?
(no HSE need apply?)

so how many cultures are there in ireland.
or is the whole of ireland abusive to such a degree it will take a lot to change ireland.
would giving the whole country back to our once imperial oppressors sort the abusers?

as sure as eggs is eggs, abuse is alive and well and living in medicine rather than religion now in holy greedy ireland.

Thursday, October 6, 2016

HSE master class for HSE staff 2016

My lesson from my bed - to you
Master Classes are an excellent idea.
Master Classes means and recognises that changes are needed and experts are invited to network with fellow man to make such shifts.

MY master class is the same.
it is constructed to bring about change but also to understand why it needs to happen.

it is of course in regard providing healthcare
i will look at the 'do's and don'ts' for professionals facing clients.
what is the relationship in the beginning and how it goes wrong
Once your patient client was happy and having some fun
once your patient client was Free Strong and Independent
Your patient had lived a lifetime - just as you have
your patient had lived a life full of achievement - just as may have or will
I will look at the broken client and the professional
what brokenness means to the client and to the professional.
How can one make brokenness whole
the cost effectiveness of an exercise to mend a brokeness

what is the relationship at the end and how it can be so right and move forwards 'onwards and upwards'

Do's and Don'ts


  • the client is sick (they are never going to be well if the professional is a healthcare professional.
  • the client doesn't expect trauma or more trauma or stress or invites this upon them.
  • the client usually is sick and only wants to have a decent life
  • the client wants to be liked and also wants to like the healthcare worker
  • the client is equal for we are all human beings
  • you too could get sick and would expect it as equal, caring and decent life.
  • the balance of professional and power in a sick persons life is not a comfortable one ever
  • the person was a strong and is a strong person but vulnerability has seeped in, therefore sensitivity has to be really 'owned' by the professional, as part of the skill of being professional

  • come into an unknown person's life (who is sick) and expect a perfect relationship
  • be demanding and persuasive because hairs on the back will rise
  • act as if you are mother, father, boss or superior
  • look down on a sick client for any reason whatsoever
  • presume a person is one way unless you get to know them well
  • say you understand their needs when you only speak to them on the end of phone or indeed never even meet them
  • expect to be liked - that has to be earned
  • expect a client or patient to be grateful - they are sick and you are providing a service through your professional career and you get paid.
  • be put out if a sick person withdraws appreciation or is rebellious - they are sick
  • expect it all to be rosy in the camp if you the professional have caused hurt and pain and suffering when the client sick patient was expecting nurture, care, calm and support and healthcare
  • ham up and expect love back
What is the relationship in the beginning and how it goes so wrong

when a person becomes so unwell they need help from healthcare professionals they are walking into a situation that they expect by the nature of the professionals that they will receive care, they also want to be nice and respectful and they strive for a working relationship that initially will be incredibly strange.
if they never had much involvement in healthcare professionals in their home for instance it may be so difficult it is refused at first and it can be very uncomfortable to allow a stranger in and have to let them in over and over.
people who are sick and in such a situation are nervous, doubtful and afraid.
most sick people become physically weaker and not stronger, but if they are screaming and shouting it means they are in pain and upset and distressed and elders who scream and shout are undoubtedly even more so.
rarely by the late ages will a person change so drastically that you cannot determine whether pain and suffering is that or not anger, abusive or even dangerous.

Most sick people want a friendly relationship with a healthcare worker.
it is beneficial to have it so.

When the relationship goes jam side down, bottoms out or explodes to extremely poor connectedness it possibly isnt the sick persons fault.
something has happened to change a dynamic that started off with a shy and fearful patient wishing to engage and wishing for support and friendship.
patients do not create havoc when very sick, they just want to be held in care.

If a professional has made a bad judgement or been silly, idiotically unprofessional or cannot amend a wrong doing or has made a bad situation worse the only way it comes back on track is to view the timeline of wrong and see what went wrong and why.
then you right it, as swiftly as it occured you bring the relationship back to what it once was.
the longer it is left to fester the harder it will mend the relationship.

to defend a wrong doing is about the worst judgement statement any healthcare professional can make.
to label a client with strong words, abusive words and alienate them, is YOUR fault, not theirs.
it is always intrinsically up to the professional to act professionally.
it is not up to the sick person to either understand how to be a professional patient or how to have a relationship with a professional healthcare worker, its an alien relationship for starters but could be a friendly engagment, but its not up to the client to always be the one to stroke a professional and give comfort to the professional when the balance is not equal in status but should be equal in humanity.

If you are a professional and make a mistake immediately make amends.
investigate well, with strong investigative intelligence.
never judge before you have really looked at the situation from all angles.

if you make a judgemental remark on the sick persons character or personality you are doing it from a strangers viewpoint, because the professional is a stranger to that person.
you are not a relative, a friend, or a partner.  You are a stranger.  YOu are new in a new dynamic.

if you make mean and horrible remarks and let that fester or embellish it and refuse to mend that dynamic you are going to find it very very hard to win your patient back onto your side.
you are now making an enemy and making one fast and irreversibly so.

You are not their parent, their mother, their father - do not act as if the patients, sick person is a child or an idiot when they are possibly very intelligent and definitely an adult.
a sick person has operated their lives to this time in a certain way, with their own perceptions of their character and personality (they will know their weakness, and will not need more piled up upon them by a stranger), they will absolutely have a routine and certain way about the house, their home and the way they use their environment.
they also will know how their body feels when in pain.  they will know how their mind reacts to he illness.
they will not know how to react to aggressive stances from strangers who are also professionals.
this is way outside the known of a person who is now sick.

they will have a perception of a healthcare professional as being a cross between a saint and a florence nightingale.
they will be in utter shock if this myth is dissolved as like a disprin in water.

crossing boundaries are absolute no-no's.
this includes, crossing the rule that the house and home of the sick person is just that, the house and home of the sick person.
you are not entitled to make character and personality statements unless you have walked the preverbial mile in their mocassins.
you cannot expect a lick, a stroke or a compliment if you go against the truth a person has of themselves, their belief systems and their personal space and environment.
if you violate these, you have in fact just violated a person, you have failed now to hold intact values that are vital to ensure that confidence remains intact and that a relationship of mutual understanding can be embraced for a period of time.
it is never acceptable to break a delicate balance in a person's time when she is sick and vulnerable
i think once it is recognised that harm and damage has been done, the only way to go with this is to mend that.
it is never up to the patient, sick or disabled to patch up a mess another has created.
it will be arse to believe you will have a friend for life if you cock up on the patients patch, metaphorically and physically.
if you act like a lump hammer, you will be told you have in no uncertain terms.
this should be expected.

if you mess up in school or university or in the principals of friendships and make a pigs ear of it, you will be told in no uncertain terms to 'shape up.'

if you are a healthcare professional it doesnt exhonerate you from 'shaping up' and making amends.
in fact part of your training will already have been to care for an individual therefore making a bags of it all will rebound upon your professionalism and to bring it back on track, the whole thing on track amendments must be put in place.

a sick person doesnt have to be grateful to a professional automatically.
gratefullness comes about when its earned.
as is any relationship, trust, honour respect all have to be earned and can be utterly obliterated by constant harrowing experiences from the point of view of the patient.

if the professional is bloody sick of a patient who screams at you for what you are doing to their lives, their comfort, their peace and their home, and if she has a right to scream because you are doing bad things to her life, her comfort and her peace and her home then expect the scream until you change the way you treat a delicate person who now is sick.

if you butcher a person do not expect mercy.  your job was a professional one, and if you treat a person well, you will get this returned in spades.

if you consistently change goal post, renege on promises, withdraw care, abuse, name call, demand and are generally too much in the face of a patient who is not your relative, partner, lover or sister or mother or father than you deserve all you get - the role now has been redefined, by YOU, not by the sick person who had once great expectations and respect and now feels punctured and cruelly suspicous of your real intent.

when a broken relationship has been formed and cemented by injustice one upon the other, then a mending process has to be initiated.
Exhaustion through trauma, will never break down a great persons soul - people change so little - if they are composed strong they will remain strong but they also will change viewpoints in face of trauma
if you have a perception of the sick person then see if you are right.  go judge it.
and you can only judge this by meeting your patient regularly and be able to watch and view and shape up what their life is really like for them.
take on board their life style, their pain.  dont butcher it with your definitions, use the skills to view theirs.

you really do have to know your sick patient.
you cannot work in a relationship without knowledge.
you cannot demand over the phone, by email, by letter or by making remarks or withdrawing care.

you are going to feel shit by recieving shit back.
if you create a shit situation for another you should expect shit back, not expect a person to be grateful for abuse and pain.

you are the professional.

when hurt occurs and brokeness occurs a deep added wound has happened to both the psyche and the character and the perception of that person to that person of you as well.
wounded relationship once started with an expectation.
if its broken down you have lost it.
you have caused severe pain and suffering and the person can never expect to view you the same way again.
wounds of this nature are not easy to mend.
dont expect that if you add a little bit of care and do not show full sincerity and show compassion and understanding you will be met with suspicion.
once you show something of compassion and care in a generous dollop of genuine remorse and ownership, you are beginning to win your client back.
A haunted face reflects 'damage'  where deep wounds have been inflicted, this can intrincially never be eradicated
Once your patient client was happy
and having fun -
A wounded soul, and brokeness will bring but only an attempt of a smile, if so broken mending has to be achieved, once inflicted harm may never be eradicated
i doubt if deep wounds have been inflicted you can ever expect to have that person on your side again.
thats why divorce occurs in everyday relationships.
if its broken down so badly, you shouldnt expect to be received in the same light.
what you do is, you mend it to build confidence and allow the service which is caring to be trusted again.
you mend it for your own self respect not to win back respect.
you mend it because its the right thing to do as you hold the power balance.

if you mend it significantly then maybe you will see a shift and a coming together and meeting of minds.

you do this by engagement.
speaking to a person, long and hard getting to know them and understand them.
you apologise, you embrace the need for change and you change the dynamic never to break it again once you change the dynamic back to a healthy one.
you allow a person to be free from the reins of power which has so crushed and damaged them.

if they want that, the way you mend a broken relationship, you give a divorce agree it has broken down and offer the options available.
you work out a plan to start again.

you will win a person back and you will have a healthier relationship if you are honest, hear them speak and try their ways rather than insisting on yours.

cost effectiveness.
the patient who has been very hurt and wounded can only be this through time.
they then build a picture of how they see their care would be delivered to embrace them in care and  give quality of life back to their own selves and their own lives.
dont snuff of the offer of a different way.
it could be cheaper and get you off the hook faster and easier and cheaper.

you have been faced for a long period with a weeping, screaming banshee of a patient who is hurt, harmed damaged and in pain because of what happened in the relationship dynamic that should be equal in treatment of a human being but which has been damaged through power.
you have to 'give'.

there is no option to expect a person to see you, your healthcare systems, and your authority any other way than abusive if they have been on the receiving end of it
it is impossible to deny the damage done as its become -
a lived experience
it is impossible to deny the damage done as its become -
a lived experience
when abusive practise has profound consequences
it is seen in the face of the victim
if you want to turn it around to make it cost effective you work with them.
you mend it.
you save it and mend it for good never going backwards
No, the idea she came home to die through pain and suffering of unimaginable proportions was not something your client sick patient expected
and you admit it, and redress the wrongs built up which has caused a brokeness that the client patient never thought would happen in the first place.

My master class has ended.
the test has been set.
stop speaking
start mending.
you have...such and such a period left to do it....after that you will recieve your marks, either failure, pass or honours.
you chose, after you do the hard work, if you wish to pass a master class with flying colours.

when your hand reaches forth and says in tone, word, action, compassion and care -
"come out, do not be afraid, i will give you care"

This is the day your wounded sick are waiting to hear but also the only real answers are - ACTIONS